I’m 17 & I’ve been binge drinking ~4 times a week now for about a year and a half. I’ve been experiencing more blackouts since i had a really bad one about 3 months ago when i mixed alcohol & muscle relaxers & hit my head so bad i got a concussion, bleed everywhere & puked blood for days. i’ve had two other significant blackouts that’ve impacted me heavily since then. about a month after the first instance i fell & hit my head again except this time i just kept falling & hurting myself while my super duper amazing friends just watched. last night i went over to the house of a family friend of my best friend & started drinking, my friend blacked out & passed out on the couch about 2 hours in & i had to interact with the family where i pretty quickly blacked out. i yelled & talked back at one of the occupants of the house, got emotional over my previous sexual assault experience and all in all held the attention all night. the owner of the house called my friend’s mother (who already doesn’t have the best opinion of me, i can’t blame her) to drive 45 minutes and come pick us up. i really wanted to impress the woman who’s house we were at but we started partying with her & we did adderall along with drinking & i guess i just couldn’t stop myself. i’m so embarrassed i’m struggling fighting suicidal thoughts which i haven’t even had in over a year. i don’t know what to do i live in a small town i feel like i can never leave my house ever again.