Hi Auzzy,
I'm not a dream analyst or any kind of mental health professional--just a writer with personal experience in living with SH--so I can't officially untangle the threads of your dream for you. But I do understand about having confusing dreams that don't seem to align with reality (it happens to me all the time!) and in these cases, I suspect they have much more to do with our subconscious thoughts than our conscious, waking lives.
If I were you, I'd start by considering the following (privately, not necessarily here in the comments):
- Do you have anything you're upset or frustrated about that has to do with your mom? It may not seem as intense as your screaming match in the dream, but sometimes our dreams magnify these sorts of things to get our attention (or so I think, anyway). You mentioned not being able to talk with her about *everything* -- is it possible there's something you wish you could talk to her about, but don't fee able to?
- Your dad standing there not doing anything might also be worth looking into--think about your relationship with him and whether you feel like maybe there's some unwanted distance there or something.
- The self-harm in your dream probably isn't indicative of any real ties to SH, since you mentioned having no history of it and no real desire to do it. It's probably more of an emotional allegory -- maybe you're hurting yourself by keeping certain thoughts or feelings pent up?
These are all unofficial shots in the dark in my part--the main thing is for you to ask yourself questions until you feel like you find the answers you need. (Personally, I find journaling about them most helpful.) I hope these questions help you get started, and that your dream makes more sense soon!
Sincerely,
Kim