So I’d like to start off by saying, I read pretty much everyone’s stories. And I’m telling you, I’m
Not here to judge anyone, I actually understand to those that can’t leave, and I understand those that have or are. Especially those with children involved. I’m sort of in a same situation where I can’t leave. I’m in a place where I can’t. I mentally can’t. Here goes my story. So I’ve been with this person for 2 years now, we live together. Since we met, it has been fireworks, literally perfect. (I should’ve known). I did see a few red flags in the beginning, mainly because he was already going through a domestic case, but I believed him when he said he didn’t hit her. (I’ve always seen the good in people and that’s my weakness) (clearly…). So yea, that wasn’t the only red flag. There was one day we went out to go to the store, and he has just gotten a new item for his car. He asked me to help him
Put it on and I did because that’s my love of course I will. I guess while I was trying to put it together, I broke it. (& that my friends is when I saw a grown man act so much like a child) he got so mad at me, that he told me I have to find the missing piece in 5 mins or else he will leave me. I’m head over heels for him, so I’m trying to look for the missing piece. He started yelling, calling me stupid names. Saying I don’t take care of his things, saying he’s going to leave me for someone who can find the missing piece. I’m crying, looking for a missing piece for a glowing thing for his f**** car. I’m a parking lot. I should’ve know really, but no I didn’t. After we found it. He just said he didn’t mean what he said he was just mad. Well little did I know that would become my usual living with him, that same pattern. I do something wrong, he gets me in trouble. I’m confused, he tells me to stfu and do what he wants me to do. I refuse, I either get called (for example: a fat pig, who hasn’t even had a baby so what’s my excuse for being fat ?) or (im going to leave you for a skinnier and better looking person than you. She won’t have flabs jiggling when we have sex) or if I push it to much (I don’t stfu when he says) or continue crying from what he has said. I get dragged by my hair. I’ve gotten a lot of bruises and bad headaches from that. What’s crazy is it’s not always like this, he’s always cleaning the house for me, he’s always paying the bills for us, he’s always making sure im okay. Laughing and enjoying our time together. But the moment he gets slightly mad, I can either ignore it and not have a say. (Anyways he doesn’t even like when I have to say what I need to say) or I can continue and that’s where his anger rises. He doesn’t just lash out and verbally call me names or hits me. He has levels. And In these levels, I either stfu the first time he told me or after I’m
On the ground crying getting called names, or gotten dragged, or even had to lick (floor, feet, toilet,) or sit in a corner till he says to stop. He says because I’m younger than him, and I’ve had my parents both spoil me that I’m a spoiled brat. Yea I do whine, yea I do cry a lot. But I’ve never cried this much to the point I’m yelling telling him I’m broken, and he just stands there laughing at me. Showing me how skinny he is. I’m not saying I can’t leave because he does a lot for me no, he has. And as of right now he isn’t anymore. Because I left to my parents for a month and a half. And in that time he was at our house paying the bills. I left because I didn’t want to come back, I got hit in the face on my birthday because I picked him up from work a couple minutes late. So he assumed I was cheating. (That’s where that process of his levels happened AGAIN) his thing is he always has an excuse as to why he does this to me. I could never understand his reasonings because it’s always thag I deserved it. I don’t think I ever heard an apology from him about hitting me, untill I went back home. Anyways, he begged and cried for me to go back, but no I wanted to be with my family. Oh yea btw he didn’t like that I gave my friends and family attention. He didn’t want me to talk to them so much, because he’s like that with his parents so he wants me to be like that. My fault I’m very close to my family….. so yea my parents they know everything, they know what happens and has happened. So in their case they just wanted to protect me. But my heart still loved him, so yes I went back. I lost my family and friends because of this decision. That’s why I said as of right now I can’t leave because I know I’ll come back. My heart isn’t to its point where it’s done. I still have hope. Sadly. So yes I’m back, and it’s been a year already of me back with him. And I find out we’re in debt, I mean what did I expect ? It was just him paying everything, I pretty much left my responsibilities. So now I’m the one working for us, I’m paying off his debt and mine. Because I have to, I owe it to him. And now he holds “leaving me” to my head to make me run around like a monkey for him. He knows I love him, I do everything for him. I take care of his bills, I make sure he never sees or stressed about bills. So I make sure he will never know or see how much things cost. I have all his important papers I take care for him, since I know he would lose it. I work 12 hour shifts, come home cook him dinner, massage him. And sleep at 10pm and have to wake up at 5am. I clean and take our dog out on my day off. I buy him everything he wants. And yet he tells his family he’s stuck with me, thag I’m trapping him here. Because I won’t allow him to walk out the door. Last time I let him walk out the door during an argument, he called me saying he’s getting picked up by some girl who’s going to have sex with him and thag he’s going to call me during it. So yea I’m crying in my house, not knowing where he’s at, or where he has gone. He keeps calling me, and telling me how fat how ugly how much he hates me. And I have to sit there and listen or else he won’t come home. I’m at a point where I have lost confidence in myself, I have lost faith in this relationship, I have no motivation to do anything but sleep. I miss my family. I’m stressed out because I’m paying two peoples bills while he stays at home plays his video games and brags about how he folded for the first time. So if I complain he says well I clean the dishes or I did the laundry. Like that’s what ur supposed to do. While I’m work. Because when he was working I worked and did all of this. That’s why he would assume I was cheating, because I would put my phone down, have an audio playing in the background and organize everything, clean everything. Cook, check mail. Everything. Make sure his work clothes are clean dry and folded. Make his lunch. And yet he complains about taking me to work. I would go to all his breaks, driving back and forth. I would wake up at 5am, make sure breakfast is ready for him. Take him to work at 6pm. And what am I ? I’m a mistake for him. He “knows” he can get another person like me but better. He knows thag someone else could look better, have a smaller waist and listen and do the exact same things im doing but better. I nag at him because he doesn’t understand I’m irritated, I’m irritated thag when I ask him to do something he doesn’t do it right. And if I continue nagging him, we will argue and that’s the same process happing again. And I can’t stand people telling me “leave” “ur so dumb why can’t u just leave” it’s not easy okay. It’s not fricken easy. I can’t just leave, I know physically yes. But my heart loves him so much, I don’t date to just date so many people. No, once I put my all to you. I want you for marriage. I lived in a broken home and I’ve always dreamed of my own home, my own family where I don’t have to pick sides or take my clothes in a bag with me back and forth. So yes my fault for not leaving because he is my home. But I’m just in a point where I just want to cry, and cry. And just hug my dad. Like if I was a little girl. Safe in his arms.