I have been with my husband since 1999. I was 18 and he was 24. I saw the red flags from the beginning but it is my own stupid fault for staying. We now have 2 beautiful boys who are nearly in high school. They are my life. I stay in this toxic relationship for them. I have been dragged through the garden by my hair, had my finger dislocated when he threw an ashtray at me. He has rubbed my face in urine and faeces. I now need a disc replacement in my neck from this person. Till this day, he will not take responsibility or apologize for any of this. Today he swore and demeaned me in front of a tradie to such a point I was going to grab the kids and leave. Every time, everything is my fault and he has only acted in this way because of me. Deep down I k ow that I need to take the kids and leave but for some stupid reason I still love him. This is never in front of the kids and they are never in harms way.