Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem

I WISH she would just ghost me. I've been in a relationship with somebody with Bipolar and OCD personality disorder since summer, and have been trying to get out of it almost the entire time. I realized it had been a mistake early on, but she managed each time to keep me in it with threats, fear, obligation and guilt, and frankly, she scares me. I've tried just honestly talking to her and she winds up having a panic attack. I've tried just taking a break and some space, and she felt abandoned and wound up in the ER. I wish I could just escape this. I would have just sent a text, taken the coward's way out and been done a long time ago if she didn't know where I live, but I can't risk her showing up and being crazy, and I also don't want her life to fall apart or she hurt herself.

My girlfriend of three and a half years ghosted me. She was diagnosed BPD-1 about 20 years ago. I believe she also deals with bipolar psychosis or bipolar with “features.” I don’t think she’s aware of the psychosis aspect of the disorder and that she suffers from this. Her mind creates alternate realities and delusions. She blocks out or represses stressful, anxiety-inducing topics or experiences. We both have children and decided to try living together. We discussed before taking this step, that if blending families didn’t work out for any reason, she’d move out and we’d continue our relationship. Well, it didn’t work out because of differences in parenting style and philosophy. We talked about how the best thing for the children would be for us to live in separate households. We were in agreement and she said she’d start looking for a new place. After about a month, she hadn’t looked for a place so I asked her about it. She told me that we didn’t have any such conversation. I asked her every couple of months if she was looking and she began changing the topic or ignoring my question all together. There were several heated exchanges after that and finally two years later and more heated exchanges, she looked for and bought a house. She tried to get me to ask her to stay at every step in the process but I held firm. This was in the best interest of our children after all. Once the deal was done, we talked again about how we would continue our relationship. I pointed out that it wouldn’t be too different since her new house was only 6 blocks away. Everything went downhill from there. When it was time to pack and move her belongings she said she was too overwhelmed. I ended up packing and moving all of her stuff. As the move was nearing completion, I was dropping a few things off and noticed that she hadn’t been to bed in many days and was manic. A day later I asked if she was manic and if she should make an appointment with her doctor. She told me that she wasn’t manic. I had moved the last of her things. I hadn’t heard from her in about a week and her mail was piling up. I texted her and asked if I could bring her mail to her. She responded that I was not to call, text, come to her house, or go to her daughter’s school or she would call the police and file for a restraining order against me. I checked in periodically and the threats started coming from her girlfriend. She accused me of stalking and harassing her friend. One of her psychoses is paranoid delusions, the belief that someone is out to get her, wants to cause her harm, or is stalking her, etc. She has vilified me and developed alternate realities to cope with her feelings of rejection, despite my letting her know that I wasn’t rejecting her and that I wanted her in my life forever. I told her we’d live like this for a few years and then when the children are older, I would marry her. Her response was that I was trying to manipulate her. My best guess is that her manic episode triggered her psychosis. She believes the alternate realities her brain has created to cope and has ghosted me ever since. It’s been 9 months and she hasn’t contacted me in any way. I want to reach out and suggest that she talk to her doctor about psychosis but I’m afraid she’ll follow through with her threats and call the police. I don’t believe she will ever realize any of this on her own and I’ve most likely been ghosted for life. She didn’t formally break up with me and the last I heard from her we had a wonderful future ahead of us, then nothing. It is very painful to have the woman I love go from a bright future together to all of this with no contact in 9 months with not so much as an explanation.

Does anyone know if while they’re ghosting you specifically, would they still post on social media? I went through a mania phase with a women and she just stopped talking to me and blocked her post on FB. I had no clue what happened. So I checked with some mutual friends and that’s how I found out she was still posting here and there mainly about her kids. I mentioned that I knew she was doing that during a text when I was trying to figure out what the heck happened. I mentioned a post she hidden. Next thing I knew she blocked a few mutual friends so they couldn’t see post moving forward. She lifted the blocks and finally reached out 3 weeks later. Then she went silent again for two weeks and blocked again! (Is that normal?) she said sorry for being flakey and she’s working on it) Anyway just wondering also if it’s common to do this and still post?

It's not just hard to say "this is what's going on" - as a couple people above have explained. It's needed to settle down or because you don't want them to see you like that. Ghosting tells somebody the opposite. It says, you mean nothing to me and never did, not even as a human being let alone somebody I at least said I loved.
Maybe the disease is responsible for wanting to ghost.
But your lips still work or fingers to write a note
Unbelievably cruel to another person

My best friend who is BP2 just ghosted me. We got into it a little over text, nothing big or crazy just a misunderstanding... literally went back and forth maybe 4 times total about something she was trying to tell me and I was misunderstanding. By the end of that (can’t even call it a fight or disagreement) I told her thanks for clarifying and moved on to the next subject... then she blocked me off her phone, then I noticed she blocked me on fb! For what exactly I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ we’ve literally had actual fights in the past and just give each other time, but this time she just blocked me from her life. Truth be told I’m super hurt 😔 I struggle with my own issues (anxiety and PMMD) that take their toll on me and I really don’t need this either. I’ve been there for my friend always and I want to be here now but honestly for my own peace of mind and mental health I may need to just let her go.

I was engaged to a man with bipolar for 16 months, he just broke it off in 24 hour turn around, one minute I love you more than anyone the next goodbye. I am divorced and wanted to wait on marriage because of his bipolar and some odd behaviors I was seeing, but committed to the relationship. I had been married to a man with major undiagnosed mental illness so jumping into marriage quickly was not good for me. My previous husband had another family behind my back so major betrayal and he did this as a pastor.....yes for real. So I wanted time with this person to see how his bipolar played out, reasonable request. Well as time passed I began to see some behaviors that were strange, child like behavior, like making boy noises and turning objects at the dinner table into animals, giddy behavior, constant immature joking, and other more risky talk constantly. Then rude comments about how I look but when confronted could not understand how that would hurt me, then continued to beg me to marry him and tell me how much he loved me. Then I caught him flirting with women on FB, caught him in several lies. Did not get me a birthday gift for a pivotal birthday, more odd statements that reflected promiscuous behaviors but when confrontation he goes silent. Obviously this was going south, how he talked to his parents was horrific, never would take responsibility for his own actions, oh he did in the beginning, told me about his bipolar in a deceptive way and then lied about it. Yelled at me in public, having to explain simple things to him and he literally was having trouble with easy tasks, cognitive issues, having to rephrase a sentence so he could understand, major issues, and I did my best to support and prayed as we believed God had brought us together initially and many of these behaviors ramped up recently. Well Obviously I had major reservations, and knew I could not take all of this on, it was not safe. This is not a stable person, so I knew I had to end it, however he did before me. Some of this behavior is bipolar immaturity, impulsively, pressured speech and cognitive impairment from bipolar aging, but some was just plain selfishness, pride and arrogance all wrapped up in a nice package, nice expensive clothing, nice house, nice dinners, you get the picture. People need accountability, we can't act anyway we want and trample others, Obviously he did not act like this in the beginning or I would have walked so if behavior at times can be controlled in the beginning what happened. Glad its over, don't like the sudden turn around but thankful he revealed his true self.

The man I love keeps ghosting me. He shows up showers me with attention then disappears for months.
Last time he even asked to marry me. Then disappears. He told me he was in a dark place.
I feel so sad about all that is happening.

My wife of 7 1/2 years was diagnosed BP2 last year after she went into a depression and moved out and had a short affair with an ex. She started meds and after a while we started putting the pieces back together and she moved back home eight months ago. Things had been going seemingly well, with a spell here or there that would last a week or two where she would question whether she should be in a relationship. After a short time, she always would come back. But things had been going well until the coronavirus put her working from home for six weeks. During that time she started drinking more and more, going to bed by 8 p.m. and just not her normal self. Then, as soon as she could start going back to work, she told me she had rented an apartment in another town 30 minutes away and moved out the next day. She said if she can't make a relationship work with me, she'll never be able to make one work. She says she needs her own personal space and needs to rely on herself for all the things she wants and needs. She has barely been in contact since she left three weeks ago, just occasionally texting to say she is sorry or to ask if I'm ok. The last thing she said to me is that maybe we could have some sort of relationship someday. What? I'm giving her the space she wants but I really think her drinking with her meds may have triggered something. She talked to her doctor but lied when he asked if she'd been drinking. So I'm also wondering if this is the end or just another spell I should try and wait out? There is no easy answer I know.

Hi, mine is using olanzapine 20mg daily, guess he is bipolar. We were planning to marry, then he told me that he doesn’t want. 2 months later this issue, he broke up with me and wanted to remain as friends. And exactly like yours, sometimes he was chatty sometimes, sometimes ghosted. Yesterday I told him that I get hurt when he ghosts me and found out that he read that message and blocked my number. I don’t know what to do, I just love him too much. Will he unblock me?

Hi all,
I am really stuck and torn on what exactly my situation is. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years and he has bipolar 2. He came out and told me about his bipolar 4 months ago, in which I didn't see anything wrong with it, as I'll always love him regardless. Shortly after, in January, he began considering going on meds and taking lithium.
Once he began lithium, I noticed that he had hypomania quite often. When he does, we tend to argue more.. and I would try to avoid these arguments as much as I can, given that he's not listening or trying to speak loudly and overlapping me.
During this time, we've been in the process of talking about getting engaged and having a future together. His goal was to propose sometime this year. In doing so, he suggests that we should try living together, so he began his process of looking into apartments. We started going to apartment viewing, while also trying on ring styles/sizes, etc.
One month ago, we got into a small argument in which it triggered into him asking for 3 days of space. This 3 days turned into 1 week, then 2 weeks, then 3 weeks and now a month. During this entire month, he ignored both calls and messages of mine when I had asked if he was ready to chat. So 2 days ago, I decided to reach out to him to see if he was ready to talk and he said he was. He told me this wasn't going to work out and that the last 3 weeks, he was able to spend all that he wanted and do things whenever he wanted. This was devastating for me to hear because he had always been able to do and spend however he likes/wants.
I'm just a little confused on whether this is all part of him having bipolar or the effects of the meds, or if it's just simply commitment issues. I'm so tired of excusing his behaviours and being stuck on what's acceptable and what's not. I'm currently in the last semester of my college and battling practicum at this point and this world-wide COVIC-19 pandemic. Having to move on seems almost impossible, given that I can't even do normal things with this social distancing and isolation. I'm just so torn that he's selfish enough to not even recognize the mental stress he's putting me through. When I asked what he was thinking, he would only reply with 'these are my thoughts, you don't get to know them.' How does one go from so loving to a completely cold and mean person? It's like he threw everything that we had planned for away. I just don't know who he is, what this is, am I in denial and excusing all this behaviour for him having bipolar. I just want answers.

My bipolar husband went off all his meds and the urging of his family and left me and the kids two and a half years ago after 12 years of marriage and went to live with his mom . He didn’t tell us he was leaving just walked out and said he was never happy and told us to keep or donate all his stuff and he would take two suitcases only and he ghosted us . When we were together he would often go radio silence off and on and dissapear for days or hours or weeks at a time and ghost but would always reappear . This time he hasn’t shown back in our town for 2.5 years. We have had 5 seperate good week long visits but in his new location and he ghosts on and off in between and texts and calls very sparingly and refuses to barely answer any calls and often ghosts and refuses to answer texts off and on ghosting sometimes refuses to see us when we visit or not following thru with visiting us but he has been quite good with at least texting something every two weeks if not every couple of days . He goes thru period where he is really communicative and then really uncommunicative. He is very adment he doesn’t want a divorce and has apologized repeatedly for hurting me like that for ghosting and leaving and promises we will have a traditional marriage again . He is currently jumping locations again across the United States with his mom and wants me to wait an additional 2 years for him to save up money to buy us a house in yet a different location . I really love him and enjoy when he isn’t ghosting and take my marital vows seriously and hate to give up on a sick spouse but how do I tell the difference between ghosting because of illness and ghosting to play games ? I suspect he just doesn’t want me to forget him and move on with my life without him and he might be playing games but when I accuse him or ask him nicely he gets really offended and his feelings are hurt and he accuses me of thinking he’s a asshole and thinking bad about him and not giving him the benefit of the doubt and ghosts again . He says he doesn’t mean to ghost but doesn’t know what to say .. Is this typical of bipolar ghosting or is this simply playing games how do I tell the difference ?

Not everyone does this, it actually further perpetuates the stigma to say that people with Bipolar disorder ghost people, people shouldn't use their diagnosis to excuse themselves for being a coward.
I have never ghosted anyone and wouldn't want someone to do that to me,
the idea that were are slaves to our moods is as much a fallacy as it is for other people.
The only difference between someone with bipolar and someone without it is that someone with bipolar will experience cyclical mood changes that are somewhat more extreme, its up to them how they manage them and if they allow how they feel to affect how they behave, the same with every other person, there is literally no difference.
None of us have a choice over our moods we do however choose how we treat people and it's honestly a little saddening to hear the amount of people either using this as an excuse for their own bad behaviour or others using their diagnosis as a way to understand it.

I have been seeing my boyfriend since July of 2019 so for about 7 to 8 months now and he informed me he has bipolar on our second date. I accepted him anyway because I didnt care (I have a friend who is bipolar so I was familiar with the mental health issue but only on a friend level) during our first 2 months together he went through a hypomanic episode and he allowed me to support him throughout the episode. In December the week of Christmas I was staying over and he asked if we can do it another time because he was going through something so I gave him space even though I was angry because he did this while I was at work at my job . The week of new years he finally spoke to me and let me know he was diagnosed with clinical depression on top of his bipolar and would be MIA for about 2 months. I told him that was fine just so long as he keeps me informed he agreed but that was the last time i saw him. Despite me texting and calling a few days apart maybe about once a week he has only responded once which was January 14th and it was literally just one message (my birthday was the 13th he informed me he didnt forget about my birthday and hes sorry I have to deal with this) I told him idc about my birthday i just wanted to know he was ok. He didn't respond we havent spoken since and hes blocked my number. So idk what to do or if he even wants to be with me. Its driving me insane at this point.

I need help I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl who's younger than I am .. she is not diagnosed but we've been together long enough to know she is bipolar.. also she mentioned to me at the start she might have bipolar..
At the beginning she was very loving and was willing to do anything with me now that we are together long enough I guess she feels more comfortable in showing her symptoms instead of hiding them at the beginning of the relationship is this something that will happen??
Also she does abit of ghosting now and then like sometimes she wouldn't even text me as much but when she did reply that same day .. she seemed abit okay so I don't really know what's going on

Hi, my girlfriend of 3 years recently left me. She has been untreated bipolar abs an eating disorder. We were both happily live and she is the most loving caring person I know. Two days after graduating from college she suddenly got very depressed. She was saying she was miserable and life was pointless and wanted to break up. Apart from that she gave no specific reason..in fact she giving reasons to stay (I’m her best friend, done more for her than anybody etc). I made contact with her 2 weeks after the break up but her reply was cold and distant. She has also ghosted me when I see her at the gym. It’s like she doesn’t recognize me. After 3 years I’m heartbroken. As far as I know she is working away as normal and living life as if the previous 3 years didn’t happen. It’s difficult to get me head around things. She may be going through a depressive cycle and trying to put a brave face on things, I don’t know. My heat sinks as I doubt she’ll ever speak to me again and I don’t know why. Any advice welcome

This hurts the ones you love more than being angry with them. It messes with them psychologically and emotionally. It's 100% selfish. I understand wanting to be left alone and needing a lot of space. But to not acknowledge a person for a week or two is wrong. Just one or two messages per week would be ok actually. With depression, trauma, and bipolar it's natural to be comfortable with isolating but to deal with this you should fight against your mind and try to always remember that humans are not made to be alone. If you are isolating it means you should say hey i'm going off the grid for awhile, i need time or something. I've done this and people actually understood. But to go completely off the grid and not tell anyone puts everyone you love in a difficult position and can lead to getting police involved if it goes on for too long. Do yourselves a favor and reach out at least once, fight the demons in your mind with every ounce of energy you have left. you are stronger than you think and people who love you will eventually understand.

I had been dating a nice guy with bipolar disorder for a year. We live in different cities (not so close). In the city where he lives, my family also lives. I try to visit the city time to time and he also visited me. Two months ago I came to the city where he lives and I called him but he suddenly GHOSTED. I was shocked and didn’t know what to do. I requested to our common friend to ask him what was happening. He said her that he hadn’t wanted to see anybody, even his best friend. A week ago I came to the city again. He sent me message. When I jokingly said that I had been offended to him, he didn’t understand at all and asked what he had done to me. I called him, texted him and he GHOSTED again. I tried not to care so much because I thought that maybe he didn’t feel so good. But that day I ran across him at our common friend’s bar. He was with his best friend. He was laughing and looking good. When he saw me, he was surprised and embarrassed. But he didn’t call me or text me from that day. I am very upset right now and still don’t understand what was happening. I am waiting for your advice.

Hey, i'd like some advice.
I was in a relationship with a woman who has bipolar. Towards the end of the relationship she went really cold and eventually we spoke and she ended up leaving me.
She gave me the whole i deserve better and apologised for being an arse to me for the last few weeks. She said she couldn't expect me to wait for her but she wasn't going to cut me out of her life.
I tried reaching out to her as a friend a couple of times after giving her space and didn't get a response. So i then asked her if i could ask her a question, i got a pretty nasty and short response about her needing space, it had been 5 weeks since i heard from here at this point.
So i gave her the option. Asked if she wanted me to be part of her life or if she would rather i disappear, i was hoping to get some form of closure. She just exploded quite offended that i asked and told me i was being selfish and shed speak when shes ready.
Its been over 2 months since i heard anything from her. At this point i have no idea what to do. I have no idea what she wants from me but i genuinely want her to be ok.
I suffer from anxiety and the ghosting without a real answer is killing me. She turned from being loving and needy into something really cold, that hurts, but the not speaking is doing farvmore damage than the breakup. I've really tried to give her space, but i'm at a stage where i dont know if should ask her outright what she wants from me.
I'm genuinely at a stage where i can feel myself breaking down. I've not told her this because she's under enough stress, but like i said, the ghosting is eating me alive.
Any advice would be amazing.

When you are pulling away and ghosting someone who you were dating, does it bother you if they continue to try and talk to you or is it nice that they are trying to be understanding and there for you? I feel like there is a fine line of being supportive or intrusive.
Please help!