hi, i know this is a pretty late response to an older article but i just wanted to rant about my worries lol. so my girlfriend has been struggling a lot the past few months and she’s gotten into a lot of self harm that i’ve noticed. the first time i noticed was back in september of last year. i was really worried about her but i didn’t want to force her to say anything about it so i didn’t bring it up. there was more and more that showed up all over her body and all of my friends noticed too, but we didn’t want to ask her about it. about a month after that, i finally gave into my temptations and i did it on my hips and i did it frequently up until december when i finally stopped. ive been clean since then. it was mostly due to the fact that i hated the way i felt afterwards just looking at what i had done to myself. i felt like i ruined my body and i hated that.
so about a week or two ago, i saw there were a lot of cuts on her arm and they looked pretty new and i was worried. it was the first time in a while that i’ve noticed this. but ever since i saw it, every night i cant fall asleep. self harming myself again has been the only thing on my mind. i threw away my blade months ago but recently i’ve been considering finding something else to harm myself with and i don’t want to think those thoughts anymore. it’s just so hard to stop thinking of it and i lose sleep at night worrying about it. and then a few days ago, i had a dream that my mirror had shattered into tiny little pieces on the ground. i picked up those shards and i sliced through my wrists and my thighs. i don’t think it was a nightmare because in my dream, i felt relieved and happy. i enjoyed it. but when i woke up i immediately felt nauseated and distressed and i felt around on my skin in a panic but of course, nothing was there. i really hate saying this but i’m scared that seeing what my girlfriend did triggered me in the first place and now it’s happening again. i don’t know what to do. every time i see it it reminds me of what i did and i’m overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to do it again. i haven’t told anyone about any of this because i don’t want anyone to worry about me. i really hate talking about my feelings and i’m scared to ask my parents for help because i also don’t want them to worry.