Hi Alex, u can call me LL, I just wanna say that I'm sorry for your loss and that you should not start doing self harm, I had a dream about doing it, and I've been wanting to do it for a while. But it never feels as good as u think. You should go to professional help, even if u don't like talking about your problems, mby you could write it down for the therapist and then she will only ask you a couple of questions. I'm only 13 years old and I know 4 people that has done self harm, but they never wish to it again.