Hi Sal,
Thanks for sharing your story, and for reaching out rather than staying silent. I'm sorry you've been having such distressing dreams, and for the difficulties you've faced in the past that seem to be resurfacing. I think it's definitely important to take some proactive action now to improve your mental state, rather than waiting to see if things get worse (because often, if something is disturbing or distressing, trying to ignore it generally won't do much to make it go away, in my experience).
First of all, I know you mentioned that you saw a therapist in the past but that you didn't find it very helpful. However, I'd like to suggest that you try again, if you feel able to--I know from personal experience that not every therapist is right for every client, and I've had a few mismatches myself. But the value of finding someone whose approach DOES work for you is so worth the effort of continuing the search--at least, that's been true for me. Especially since you've had suicidal thoughts (and/or behaviors?) in the past, I highly recommend working with a professional.
There are some things you can try on your own as well. The fact that you read this blog (and I'm guessing have read other articles about self-harm or nightmares) is a good first step: it's good to do some research to understand what you're going through and to see what others have done that helped them get through it. In your case, addressing your nightmares can certainly help you get better sleep, which is critical for good mental health.
However, in this case I think the best way to deal with the nightmares is to deal with the root cause, which sounds to me like it might be your feelings and memories around self-harm and suicide. Again, this is why I would recommend a therapist, but if that's not an option right now (or if you want to do more on your own while you look for a good fit), you might consider joining a support group and seeking out other social support as well. If you have any friends or family you trust and feel comfortable talking to about this, please do. And if you ever feel like you are at a "breaking point" or overwhelmed, please don't hesitate to call a hotline to get some immediate support. You can also try a few therapeutic techniques on your own to see if they help even a little, such as self-directed CBT, mindfulness exercises (like yoga or meditation), or even simply keeping a journal where you can vent as needed or even try to reframe your thoughts and emotions in a more balanced way. (Keep in mind these won't all work for everyone, but they've helped me in the past, and they might help you, too.)
Here are some more resources you can check out:
https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer…
https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/self-injury-homepage
I hope this helps. If you have any more questions, concerns, etc., feel free to reply here or comment on future blogs. Take care.
Sincerely,
Kim