Hi Taylor,
First of all, I am so sorry it took this long for you to get a reply. I hope my answering you now will still be of some benefit to you.
I'm also sorry to hear you've been struggling. If you are at all worried, especially that you might relapse, I would really urge you to talk to a therapist, counselor, or even a support group about your concerns. While you may not feel like there is more going on in your life than usual, sometimes stress and triggers can creep up on us without us noticing. I know I've had it happen to me several times where I felt stress and negative thoughts/emotions building up even though, externally, there didn't seem to be any reason for it... It's rough, but it's better to address it rather than tell yourself it shouldn't be happening, or worse, pretend that it isn't. If you're not up to seeking out therapy or a support group at this time, I would suggest ramping up your self-care, and trying to be more mindful of *when* specifically these feelings seem to bother you the most. This may help you identify a trigger you may be missing, or an underlying concern you may not have been attending to.
As for your dream itself, it definitely sounds to me like it's directly tied to your worries about self-harming again and the disappointment you might expect you will feel if you do relapse. Again, practicing good self-care and maybe talking to someone professionally about your concerns may help put these nightmares to rest by lessening the fears behind them. But keep in mind this is just my opinion; I'm not a licensed therapist or dream analyst.
While it's certainly not a good feeling to worry about relapse, the fact that you ARE worried and reaching out to ask for ideas is a great sign. It means that you are already trying to take steps in the right direction, and that's a good thing. If you need more ideas or have follow-up questions, feel free to ask. I will do my best to answer more promptly this time.
In the meantime, please do your best to take care of yourself.
Sincerely,
Kim