Hi Ashley,
First of all, congratulations on 141 days of being self-harm free! That is a huge milestone, and I am so happy that you have been able to stick to the path of recovery for so long already.
It sounds like you have been going through some difficult times lately. I expect your dream is strongly tied to this stress as well as your past with self-harm. While I can't interpret it for you as a licensed dream analyst could, I will say that it sounds to me like it may reflect a desire for relief from the stress you are currently under. I imagine, then, that it might be very tempting to self-harm again because in the past it may have brought some relief during times like this.
However, as you are already on your recovery journey, I think you are probably hoping to avoid turning back to self-harm. If you have a therapist already or are open to seeking out therapy (either in person or online), I think now would be a really great time to reach out for extra support. Better to ask for help now, and possibly prevent a relapse, than wait until one has already occurred.
If you are not open to that at this time, if there is anyone you feel comfortable to talking to about this and asking for support, again, now is a good time to do that. If you don't want to talk to someone you know personally, maybe consider a chat service (like 7 Cups or the Samaritans) or calling or texting a hotline. I know this can be a very hard thing to talk about, but I do think it's important to do so if you can. Having even just one person to help you cope can make a big difference. This page has a good list to start with:
https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer…
There are also a lot of things you can do on your own that can lower your stress and help you cope with your thoughts and dreams around self-harm. I don't know what you have already tried (or may be currently doing), but for me, guided yoga and meditation practices help a lot--something about being able to zone out and just let someone else guide your movement and your thoughts for a little, and steer them in a positive direction, is very soothing to me. I wrote a post not long ago on urge surfing you may want to check out:
https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/speakingoutaboutselfinjury/2021/2/using-self-harm-urge…
Exercising and distracting yourself with hobbies or other activities you enjoy also tends to help (even if you don't feel like it at first, sometimes you get into it after a bit). Making a point to do something small but celebratory to mark each new day of progress on your healing journey can also help—if you are someone who likes to look ahead, maybe setting some rewards for yourself that you can look forward to after X more days of staying self-harm free can help.
For more ideas and info, you can also check this page if you haven't already:
https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/self-injury-homepage
I hope this helps--both with the dreams and your recovery. Keep in mind that I am not a licensed therapist—merely someone else who has struggled with self-harm and the recovery process. Don't hesitate to reply if you have questions or comment on other blog posts if you have more you would like to share here.
And, just in case no one else has had the opportunity to tell you this yet: you are stronger, and braver, than you think, and I believe in you and your ability to keep moving forward on the path to recovery. Just try to take it one day at a time.
Sincerely,
Kim