Hi Niki,
I appreciate you so deeply for sharing your heart here on the blog. It's so difficult to decide what's real and what's a trigger/false perception. It sounds like you know his behaviors are wrong and that you know seeking help is the next step. Since I am not a licensed professional, I cannot say what's abuse and what is not, but I would encourage you to keeping reading the blogs and articles on Healthy Place and work with a medical professional to decide your next steps. It sounds like you have experienced a significant amount of trauma, and no matter which path you choose, getting help of any kind is the first step to healing. Be kind to yourself throughout this process and remember that love does not have to be painful.
I wish you light and love--Jenn